Ugh. I am struggling with some kind of training funk. I had this ugly battle with myself this morning, first talking myself into having a donut without walking and then talking myself out of a donut with walking. I have given new meaning to my ‘off’ day. Luckily my friend Heather gently persuaded me to at least walk first before grabbing that donut. (Those lovely donuts above are from Dizzy’s donuts in Boulder, I have not yet had this one, but their Creme Brulee is my fave so far, and yes, it was worth the extra miles http://www.dizzysdonuts.com/).
Maybe it’s the weather, the holiday rush, the end of the year, or this sudden urge to get things done. Whatever it is, it’s been a very long time since I’ve had to talk myself out of anything, I forgot how uncomfortable it can be. Yesterday it was Doritos, today it was donuts…and now, I need it to be done.
So instead of getting stuck in the sugar-carb war this morning, I decided to turn to you to keep me accountable. I’m replacing my unexpected craving for Dorito’s and donuts with renewed determination. I’m going to put myself out there, just a little further, maybe up the challenge a bit. Yesterday I had posted on FB about my sudden training deflation, and I’m so grateful that I did. Pam, Carol and Kathy, eased me back on track, thank you for that.
I don’t know what it was, just needed to get out of my own way I guess. Maybe it’s because Diabetes Awareness month is coming to an end (as it is for Epilepsy Awareness) and I’m feeling this urge to hold on to your attention a little while longer, to reach a few more people. Maybe it is the realization that the month is over but Diabetes is not.
Last night while I was sleeping, I could hear this voice yelling out, “MOM! MOM!…DAD! DAD!”, at first I thought I was dreaming, I was a bit groggy, then I thought “what are the neighbor kids doing outside?“. Then I realized it was Logan yelling for us from his room. Can’t tell you how those moments make my heart stop. Luckily I’m always calm, but my heart is usually racing. I jumped out of bed, grabbed some raisins, and met Tony in the kitchen as he was getting Logan’s kit. Logan was all sweaty and restless, but phew, his blood sugar was o.k., a little low but not scary low.
As I typically do on nights like this, I tossed and turned for awhile, thinking about T1D, crossing my fingers that my friends and family don’t tire of my asking, educating, and advocating. “Am I doing too much? Am I doing enough? What am I doing?“, and the vicious questioning continues. I do trust that you will understand, I imagine that most of us have nights where worry, sleep deprivation and reality collide, luckily to be righted with a cup of coffee in the morning.
Here I sit, holding onto my heart, knowing what life with T1D is like for Logan, working towards a better future for him, trusting that I am doing all the right things. I am also thinking of you and how you continue to remind me how powerful we really are, how compassion and kindness can only duplicate when shared. Life really is good.
So in between writing and lacing up, I’m getting ready to ride. Yesterday while looking for that challenge and a reboot in my training, I vowed that for every $1 that is donated between now and Noon tomorrow, (11/30), the end of Diabetes Awarenes Month, I will ride. Simple $1=1 mile. Thanks to the generosity of others, I have 75 miles of pure bliss to ride, throwing in and extra 10 miles for a special kiddo, Anna King.
I have plenty of more miles in me, thank you for considering a donation. Also, thank you for getting me past this training funk and on to running my first 1/2 in January, I appreciate it. We are also very, very close to celebrating 1,000 views of our YouTube video, we are just beside ourselves, thank you for sharing and watching. So far we have sent out over 400 hearts, raising awareness one heart at a time. You can learn about how it all began at our family’s blog “100 Hearts”.
YouTube and “100 Hearts”-