Things always work out.

demotivational-posters-things-always-work-out-rightI was sitting here feeling kind of crabby, getting all twisted in my thoughts, my stomach knotting up, and wanting to scream because there was no coffee in the house. Not one drop. I did not want to see cute puppy pictures or be motivated by some overused inspirational quote.

It was one of those mornings where I woke up wondering ‘What the hell are you doing?’. My running schedule is out of whack, I’m out of whack…things sneaking up on me, things that I’m trying to work out, but just can’t see a way yet. I know that if I am patient it comes together, well that’s always been a tough one because I feel like I should be doing more, getting things done, taking care of business. Why does ‘waiting’ feel like ‘slacking’ and not patience?

So I was feeling a bit out of sorts, feeling like I should consider a new game plan. I admit it, part of it was the writing, I thought “Good Lord, everyone blogs, everyone is writing, how can we all be that interesting? Obviously we’re not, and who has the time to read it anyway?” We are all so busy. Very busy.

I shove my thoughts aside, I’ll have to figure it out later. I head down to volunteer in my son’s 4th grade class. They are working on a sewing project. I get there to find that Logan’s blood sugar is still high, even after P.E., this is unusual. So we decide to correct with insulin. All I could think of was “How is he going to focus on a tedious project like sewing when his blood sugar is in the 300’s?”. I also cross my fingers that it wasn’t stress or adrenaline that caused him to stay higher and that his blood sugar doesn’t crash later in the day. Fingers crossed. Always.

He ended up doing a great job, was a little frustrated at the beginning, but overall had a good time. Then it was time to go check his BG for lunch, it was still in the 200’s but doing better. He took his shot and on his way he went to go eat his lunch.  On the way there we had a bit of an argument about where he was headed. I had forgotten that he likes to eat in an area near his classroom, not in the cafeteria. It stumped us for awhile when he started doing this, but he didn’t like the noise in the cafeteria and preferred to sit alone and have some quiet time. Even knowing that he was o.k. and that this is what he preferred, it just shot me through the heart when I saw him today sitting at a table in a quiet area. All. by. himself. He was fine, me, I’m not so sure.

I joined him, asking him first what he would prefer and he said “You’re fine, right there, just stay right there“. I laughed to myself, thinking that he knew more about my morning internal struggle than I did. “You’re fine, right there, just stay right there.”  Very telling.

By this time my edges were softened, my heart full. Things will work out.

When I returned home to an unfinished post, one that I would soon scrap, I received an incredibly touching message from a friend. She had explained how she has been helping a neighbor with childcare, etc., even when her friends recommended she shouldn’t because this mom would take advantage of her. Well in the end, she went with her gut, she helped out this mom only to find out that she was a single mom, working three jobs and working towards a degree. So grateful, this mom repaid my friend in kindness, thanks and gift cards. My friend, not able to take the gift, tried to return them, but the mom had insisted.

My edges soften. Things will work out.

I then receive this YouTube clip from my aunt, we have been exchanging inspiring clips, she had thought that I had seen this one, but I had not. It made me cry. I know, shocker.

My edges soften. Things will work out.

Then to top it off, I see this post from Trek…all I could think of is “If you only knew…“.

trek bike

So I sit here and think about my son, how his days can be stressful, how hard he works to get through small sections of time. Seeking quiet, seeking a life without T1D.  I want to do what I can to make his life free of T1D.

I think about my friend, she helped when others said she shouldn’t and unknowingly, in the end she lifted a worry from the shoulders of a mother that just needed a little help, not judgement.

I think about the human spirit. I think about the gift of kindness. How giving a small gift of time fills in the cracks of someones day when they are trying to fill them in for themselves.

As I wrap this up, a friend ‘pops’ up. I am in a hurry to get this done so I hesitate to read her message right away. I open it. She tells me that she has been so busy, but wanted to let me know that she read my recent posts about my weight and in her words “You inspired me to stay away from the chips today!“.

My edges soften. Things will work out.

I don’t have a bike, I have never trained for a ‘big’ ride. I have been  struggling and questioning this pull, this feeling that this is the next step for me. To do the JDRF 100 Mile ride. I am clicks away from registering, but seriously I do need to get a bike first.

I have lunch with my son, he shares his words of wisdom.  I receive the gift of a story from a friend, she shares her kindness. I watch a man persevere  to make a change in both his life and his nieces, he shares his love. I see a shiny red bike, well I don’t know what the hell that shared but it did bring a smile to my face and helped me believe.

I will keep writing, running, and sharing. I will be kind, love, and take risks when others say I shouldn’t. I believe in the human spirit. It is strong.

My edges soften. Things will work out.

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4 responses to “Things always work out.

  1. Oh Denise that video made me tear up majorly. It reminded me of Phil on fat, sick and nearly dead. I think it is wonderful that we can inspire each other. There are days when I am just not feeling quite right and I read a post of yours and I have an ah-ha moment, then it all falls into place. Just remember that you are right where you are supposed to be in this moment in time. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting time and I need to rush. Now I know that if I had rushed I would have missed out on so much. I’m going to get a new bike this spring, I’m looking for a hybrid because my back can’t handle arching forward BUT I will still ride lol. The wonderful thing about a trainer is that I can be upright and still get a workout. I feel the need to change and I can honestly say I’m ready for it.

    • So great to share these moments with you! I agree, rushing has it’s moments of lost opportunity. Can’t wait to celebrate your new bike with you! You have always been ready, such an exciting time to see you move forward with such excitement, it is all worth it. (and the video of Phil from “Fat, Sick and nearly Dead”, that has stayed with me ever since I first watched it, there was something so moving about his journey.

  2. Trust. It’s something all of us moms have to practice everyday. Doubt is another one that pops up regularly. Your post definitely helps to see that others have the same feelings. Keep your spirits up!

    • So true. Trusting that it all comes together. Trusting your body. Trusting that your body can do it and that your heart is in it. Happy to share this Mom moment with you, thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Spirits up!

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