Unexpected insight.

journal notesI was going through some old files tonight after this urge to purge. Feeling a bit buzzed with nervous energy as I get ready for my ride and trying to organize  the kids for school.

I really want to feel clutter free and have a clean slate for Fall. You know, out with the old, making room for the new.

I was content with the task for about twenty minutes before I felt overwhelmed by all of the ‘stuff’ and what to do with it.

I sat there, sifting through scraps of papers, having my fair share of little pieces of paper with notes scribbled on them, waiting to be rediscovered or tossed and forgotten. Move on they seem to whisper.  But how could I even think about parting with this much good “stuff?”. Favorite quotes that I had forgotten, thoughts about writing, creative ideas, notes about traveling and career paths.

Feeling both inspired and crushed, crushed because I realize how long I have been holding onto these notes waiting for time, time to put it all together. “Good grief, just toss it already, it’s weighing you down”, I catch myself thinking.

Then I came across a note, it was folded in half and I almost tossed it without opening it. I was still in that moment of feeling overwhelmed and just wanting to tank everything. Lucky for me I was also feeling a little stubborn and was having a hard time letting go, feeling like everything was important, and this certainly was.

I’m sure these words were to accompany a piece of art work, maybe even a photograph. I seemed to have been in a moment of reflection, thoughts about the unknown journey that I was about to embark on. It gives a glimpse of what the future might hold for me, but from the perspective of Logan, with unexpected insight.

I picture myself looking at Logan while he was napping, wondering, “What does this child have in store for me?”. At that moment, having no clue that T1D was lurking in the shadows.

Zoe had not arrived yet, and as I mentioned, Logan’s T1D diagnosis was yet to be discovered. I admit, reading these words gave me goosebumps.

See for yourself,

My name is Logan, I am 2 1/2 years old.

My mom knew before I had arrived that I would be special, a gift, a messenger.

I am here to give my mom a second chance.

I am here to help her be the person she was sent here to be.

I will help her see the world from a new perspective. I will teach her about compassion, understanding and love.

I will make her laugh, I will make her cry.

I will challenge her.

I will help her live outside of the box that she keeps falling into.

I will give her strength and courage to face adversity. I will help her ask the hard questions.

She will question her faith but never lose it.

I will bring her out into the world, I will lead her to others.

I will help her be the spiritual warrior she was intended to be.

I will help her share her gifts. I will heighten her senses and stretch her heart.

She will be my voice, my armor, my advocate.

She will never ask why, always moving forward.

She will embrace me and celebrate my accomplishments without measure. 

She will love me unconditionally.

She will give me wings and help me fly.”

As the ride approaches, I think of how timely this note is…I may not have known then where I was going, and I still wonder where this path will take me, but it seems that Logan knew exactly where I was headed.

I also think Logan was getting me ready for my wings.

Thank you for helping us both fly.

http://www2.jdrf.org/site/TR/Ride/JDRFNationalRides?px=2160337&pg=personal&fr_id=2244

there are two things

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