Face it, don’t fear it.

IMG_2582Jumping right in, as I really don’t know where to start, it’s been too long,you know me, I haven’t been short on words, just time. I’ve been training for a 10k that lands around Mothers Day, using the AMR Strava Prove It program. It has been a wonderful experience, a great community of mother runners, coach support, hang-outs with Dimity and Sarah… I love it.

Personally I have hit a few bumps, like so many others, I’ve been plagued with colds, the flu, sick kiddo’s, bad weather, an injury,…it all just makes me just want to scream, but I’m still here and moving forward. I’m not exactly where I want to be, but I’m glad that I didn’t just let go of it all together, which may not sound like much, but only a few years ago I would have bailed, so I need to give myself credit where it’s due.

I’ve been feeling out of sorts lately, can’t seem to put my finger on it. I was fired up to do another century but the dates don’t sync up for me so I’m putting it on the calendar for next year. I also need a new bike, and holy crap they can be expensive, which reminds me how incredibly fortunate I was last year when a local rider gave me one of her old bikes. I will never forget her generosity. The bike itself a bit small for me, it worked, but I really do need a bigger bike to continue going the distance. I’m still able to use it on the trainer, which has been great.  I think not being signed up for a century may be part of  this  ‘feeling out of sorts’, not being engaged in my regular JDRF fundraising event. No 1/2, no century… and I don’t want to skip this year so I’m working on finding a way to fill what feels like a void. I trust something will come together, just because I can’t do something in the structure that it’s offered doesn’t mean that I have to sit back and wait until it comes around again, I just need to find a way to make it work for me. Right now I am thinking about the woman that ran on the treadmill for 24 hours for a charity. No I’m not going to run on a treadmill for 24 hours, but I was inspired by what she did.

I also realized that in the last 6 months or so I have really hated T1D. Like really hated it. Hated it in a way that startled me. I didn’t really notice it so much at first, but then a few things happened and I really started to hate it.  I especially hated it for Logan.  I had my moments of cursing T1D, I moved forward, still stumbling a bit…and it lingered. It doesn’t own us, it doesn’t own Logan. I know this, I truly do, but somedays I just have to let myself hate it and figure out how to embrace it in a new way, taking note that my old ways need some updating.

I sit here wondering what to do next. Training can be a challenge, fundraising can be a challenge, advocating can be a challenge, finding the balance in your new normal can be a challenge, hell what isn’t a challenge?…but I’m finding that the biggest challenge for me is not doing something, anything to move us closer to a cure, to move us closer to a better understanding, to move us to a stronger support system, and personally for me to keep moving towards a healthier lifestyle.

So how did I get here? Well, I came on here to update my blog after watching a clip that I did with AMR, I realized that it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted. My intention was to get on here and get all fired up about running, riding, losing these last 30 lbs and training, but I started typing and realized that what was really on my mind was T1D, and realized that I am feeling a little stuck.

But that part of me feels like a long story at the moment, so back to the AMR clip (check it out ;), I recently tested some great equipment, from the Trigger Point Therapy System. Dimity helped me out and filmed my portion of it, don’t worry I won’t quit my day job and kudos to her for being a brilliant editor.  I was watching the clip this morning and I realized that something is missing, maybe it’s a project, a ride, a run…after seeing photo’s from the ride, I started thinking about last year and it seemed so full, maybe too full that it makes this busy year seem so quiet. Maybe the challenge is not having a challenge. After watching the clip it inspired to to think of a way to make it work. Not sure what “it” is, but I feel like I’m at a fork in the road, I mean really, who isn’t.

So today I’m putting the hammer down, well  I’m at least getting my tool box out. I need to really dig a little deeper or maybe not, maybe it’s staring me right in the face, but whatever it is I need to face it not fear it.  I need to clean house, in more ways than one. I have a few ideas brewing, so in the mean time I’m giving thanks, for all of it. I’m going to be kind to myself and make a new plan, right after I eat some of these tasty cinnamon bunnies.

 

Stay tuned…

 

 

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